Thursday, October 2, 2008

a wasilla cabin

from the daily kos:
"Wha... Where am I? Who are you?"
"Calm down, Katie, dear. It's me, Sarah."
"Wha...why am I tied to the bed?"
"You've been a naughty girl, Katie, ya know theeat?"
"Sarah, I... I thought we were at a campaign rally...I was interviewing you..."
"I know, dear. I drugged ya and broughtcha to my little tranquility cabin here in Wasilla. Ya like the moose heads? Shot 'em all myself from a 'copter!"
"But...why am I here?"
"Oh, Katie, I couldn’t letcha keep askin' them awful questions and releasin' them awful videos. You were makin' my cockadoodie presidential campaign look wacky!"
"Don't you mean John McCain's presidential campa..."
"Shut up! Shut your elitist journalist liberal New York mouth! You made me"
"Stupid, uninformed and completely ignorant of the world?"
"Yeah, that's it! You dirty birdy, how could you??!! Questions about the Supreme Court and magazines and books and John Stinky McGroper's record---I'm not a rocket scientist, y'know! I'm a hackey mahm! Ya couldn't ask me a cockadoodie question about the PTA? Or how to bag two moose at one time when they're makin' nookie? Or how to change a snowmobile tread with a bahbby pin?"
"And to think I used to be your number-one feean."
"Sarah...what's the sledgehammer for?"
"Oh, theeat. I can't have ya runnin' around doin' any more interviews, Katie. So I gotta break your legs."
"Wait! I promise if you don’t win the election I'll get you a job at CBS! Really! You were a great sportscaster, Sarah, and you can be great again. Trust me."
"Oh, Katie. Like I said about the Bridge to Nowhere...theenks but no theenks."

[THOCK!!!] "Aieeeeee!!!"

"That takes care of that cockadoodie lefty liberal leg. Now I hate to do this, but I gotta do the right leg, too. Believe me, this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you."

[THOCK!!!] "Whyeeeeeeee!!?? Whyeeeee??!!"

"There. Now you can start thinkin' about the book yer gonna write about me that makes me sound like a combination of Margaret Thatcher and Mother Teresa. Get some sleep and I'll be back later with mooseburgers and your happy pills. And Katie?"
"Wha... whaaa...?"
"I was jus' jokin'---I'm still you're number-one feean, kiddo."

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