This is not in the Onion but the conservative Washington Times:
For decades, Sister Carol Gilbert and Sister Ardeth Platte have practiced their Roman Catholic faith with an unwavering focus on world peace. Their antiwar activities even landed them in federal prison earlier this decade for trespassing onto a military base and pouring blood onto a nuclear missile silo.
Now they face fresh infamy as two nuns secretly branded by Maryland State Police as terrorists and placed on a national watch list. "This term terrorist is a really serious accusation," Sister Ardeth, a nun for 54 years, told The Washington Times on Thursday in the first interview that the women have given since being informed they were among 53 people added to a terrorist watch list in conjunction with an extensive Maryland surveillance effort of antiwar activists.
"There is no way that we ever want to be identified as terrorists. We are nonviolent. We are faith-based," she said... On Oct. 6, 2002, the two sisters and another nun - armed with bolt cutters, a hammer and baby bottles filled with their own blood - broke into an unmanned Minuteman III missile site in northeastern Colorado and painted bloody crosses on the silo. It was the day before the one-year anniversary of the war in Afghanistan.
Sister Carol was sentenced to 30 months and Sister Ardeth to 41 months in federal prison for the action. "I learned to make it a meditation, almost a prayer," Sister Carol told the Baltimore Sun upon her release in 2005...